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Need some serious advice on etiquette

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Three of us were playing a par four. One guy hit his ball into some pretty think trees only about 30 meters from the tee. He played a provisional ball and then went looking for his first shot. We just played on - didn't wait for him and when he came out (less than 5 minutes later) we were already on the green (300 meters away) putting out. He didn't play out the hole - and just left. I only saw him walk off. I have not spoken to him since and when i have called and left messages he has not replied. I think he is upset about us not waiting. Have i broken a rule of golf? and do you think he has a right to be upset?

Any advice welcome

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You didn't break a "rule" of golf.

This is really a personal situation as someone people don't like being left behind and some don't mind at all.  In this situation it seems as if this guy may have thought it impolite for you guys to leave him behind.  He also may have wanted help looking for his ball.  Either way, no rules were broken..  he just didn't like the way things went down.

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The thing i should have mentioned was that i was playing with him and his wife. It was just me and her alone on the green after we left him behind. This might have added to the tension as i'm a bit of a flirt.

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There's no way to really tell if you did the right thing given the scenario as presented. In order to properly advise, you need to post a picture of the wife.

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I don't know about a rule being broken, but I think it was rude not to help your fellow player look for his ball.  I won't argue that going ahead and taking your second shots while he searched could help speed play, but at that point you (and the smokin' hot wife) should have gone and helped him search.  I also think that, whether he found the ball or ended up playing out his provisional, it was not only rude but dangerous to move ahead to the green before he had a chance to take his second shot.  What was he supposed to do, wait for you to putt out before hitting his approach shot?

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Rude not to assist him for a minute or two if he was the only one in trouble. If I'm in the fairway and two other guys are in trouble, especially if you're in a cart, I will help one and then the other. And if you are with the guy's wife, use common sense. Don't make him feel small.

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The proper thing to do would have been to help look for his ball. The least you could have done is wait. You knew he wasn't feeling good about the shot, and since it sounds like you are friends, you should have helped him however you could. To top it off, you scored some alone time to flirt with his wife? I would have punched you in the face.

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When you played your second shots he was away (furthest from the hole) and common etiquette would be that he plays until he is no longer furthest from the hole. Most people have more or less done away with this custom in favour of ready-golf but under this scenario you should not have played your second shots until he was caught up with the group. You should have just made out with his old lady while you waited for him.

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The proper thing to do would have been to help look for his ball. The least you could have done is wait. You knew he wasn't feeling good about the shot, and since it sounds like you are friends, you should have helped him however you could. To top it off, you scored some alone time to flirt with his wife? I would have punched you in the face.

Sounds like you have trust issues with your wife/girlfriend. I have no issue with people "scoring alone time" with my wife, it's not like she's gonna run off a screw some other guy because she was left alone with a flirt. Our relationship is little stronger than that.

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The thing i should have mentioned was that i was playing with him and his wife. It was just me and her alone on the green after we left him behind. This might have added to the tension as i'm a bit of a flirt.

Lol. Are you Gilbergs uncle?

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Sounds like you have trust issues with your wife/girlfriend. I have no issue with people "scoring alone time" with my wife, it's not like she's gonna run off a screw some other guy because she was left alone with a flirt. Our relationship is little stronger than that.

Might not be a trust issue with his wife. He just doesn't want the other guy thinking its OK to flirt with his wife.

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Rude not to assist him for a minute or two if he was the only one in trouble. If I'm in the fairway and two other guys are in trouble, especially if you're in a cart, I will help one and then the other.

And if you are with the guy's wife, use common sense. Don't make him feel small.

^^^^  This  ^^^^

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Sounds to me like everybody involved has issues.

Not a chance that I'm finishing out a hole, or even getting up ahead, when somebody is looking for a lost ball.

Not a chance that my wife is running off and leaving me looking for my ball to go off and finish the round with some other guy.

When (if) they ran off and left me I would have picked up my ball without finishing the hole and joined them on the next tee...And thanked them for not letting me finish the hole.

There aren't too many things that playing partners do that irritate me but getting ahead of me and in a position where I can't even hit my next shot pretty much tops the list.

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Agreed.  I play ready golf, but even in ready golf you don't often move significantly ahead of anyone - much less to the green - not only for etiquette, but as to not get hit with a shot.  I don't think I've ever seen anyone go all the way to the green while a player is still 30 from the tee.

I'm thinking this story isn't real.  The wife would have had to do the same ridiculous thing you did.  And no mention of the wife abandoning you at the green to leave with him.  Did you and the wife 'finish the round' while your buddy went home?  Did you have to 'give her a ride' home?  or did she bring her own car?

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Personally, I think it's poor etiquette not to help the guy look for his ball. Even if it's in the deepest jungle I would say it's still polite to at least make a token effort or maybe suggest there's no way he'd find it. I'd be seriously p***ed off if I went looking for my ball only to find, that on emerging from the undergrowth, not only hadn't my playing partners helped at all but that they'd carried on playing and were up on the green.

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Playing with a friend and not helping look for their ball? Yeah absolutely poor etiquette - but it sounds like there are underlying issues if he simply walked off the course in disgust. His wife may be playing into your flirtatious way.

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Agreed.  I play ready golf, but even in ready golf you don't often move significantly ahead of anyone - much less to the green - not only for etiquette, but as to not get hit with a shot.  I don't think I've ever seen anyone go all the way to the green while a player is still 30 from the tee.

I'm thinking this story isn't real.  The wife would have had to do the same ridiculous thing you did.  And no mention of the wife abandoning you at the green to leave with him.  Did you and the wife 'finish the round' while your buddy went home?  Did you have to 'give her a ride' home?  or did she bring her own car?


There are two possibilities:

1.  The story is fake.

2.  The guy is having marital problems and the OP is the most inconsiderate golfer on the planet.  The wife didn't help her husband look for his ball? Seriously!?

Careful readers will note that the OP never says he was playing with "friends" just two other people.

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