Why won't they take steps to improve?

[9wood]

I have a golfing partner whose game remains stalemated. When I first teamed up with this golf partner he was a better golfer than I was. But I began taking tips and lessons from other golfers, and in time became a better golfer than my partner. Whenever I try to share with my golf partner what I learned from my lessons and golf tips that helped me improve my game in order that he too might try a few of the things I learned he ignores all the things I pass along to him and prefers to stick with those old things which don't help him improve. He sees how much my game has improved to the point where I have passed him by but he still won't do anything to improve the areas of his game where he most needs improvement. He has prevented any improvement from taking place in his game. He has willingly stalemated himself when he could improve. It sure would be nice to have a golf partner that improves with you as you improve. It's even a bit frustrating.

[vangator]

I think we all know this type of person.  It all about priorities I guess.

I played in a scramble yesterday with a guy I've known as a golfer for over 30 years.  He is the worst golfer I know.  Most of the time he dribbles the ball off the tee.  I mean he stinks.  I almost asked him why he still plays.  We didn't play one of his shots all day.  He doesn't get worse, he doesn't get better.  My guess is he has never broken 100.

[Gator Hazard]

What does this partner play too?  It may be that it is good enough for him. 

The second guy is more depressing.  I would quit if couldnt break 100 in 30 years

[ncarlsongolf]

I think this happens for a couple of reasons. Without knowing the person I would say it is either because they are.

A) Too scared and stuck in their patterns to change.  Its a mental thing, but people can be very worried about never fully changing ruining what game they think they have 

B) They are fully OK with just enjoying the game at the mediocre level they are at.  They don't but a lot of new equipment and don't strive to get any better they enjoy the camaraderie and fun the game provides for them.  

 

Either way, getting lessons is not something that can be forced upon someone and neither can advice.  If something is not wanting to hear your advice you should take notice and stop offering up all the tips that you know can improve them.  Wait for him to come ask your opinion on something.

[turtleback]

2 hours ago, 9wood said:

I have a golfing partner whose game remains stalemated. When I first teamed up with this golf partner he was a better golfer than I was. But I began taking tips and lessons from other golfers, and in time became a better golfer than my partner. Whenever I try to share with my golf partner what I learned from my lessons and golf tips that helped me improve my game in order that he too might try a few of the things I learned he ignores all the things I pass along to him and prefers to stick with those old things which don't help him improve. He sees how much my game has improved to the point where I have passed him by but he still won't do anything to improve the areas of his game where he most needs improvement. He has prevented any improvement from taking place in his game. He has willingly stalemated himself when he could improve. It sure would be nice to have a golf partner that improves with you as you improve. It's even a bit frustrating.

Golf does not occupy the same place in every golfer's life.  Getting better is YOUR priority.  Just enjoying the game may be HIS priority.  

"I play with this guy who is always taking lessons and practicing, as if he was going to qualify for the US Open someday.  And I just like to go out, hit the ball around, and enjoy the game, without stressing too much over the score or my game.  And all of that is fine,  But this guy is constantly trying to make me over into himself, nags me about taking lesson and practicing, critiques my game telling me how I could improve, etc.

So, how do I get this guy to jut shut up and STOP peppering me with advice and nagging at me to take lessons like him. "

Maybe the above is something like what is going on in his mind?  Especially since he has made his position clear that he is not interested in your swing or lesson advice and is satisfied with where his game is.

The question is:  WHY does that frustrate YOU?

[DrvFrShow]

There are people who go out and play to get out in the sun and have a nice walk and hit a ball. I just like to hit a half-way decent shot, but other than that, I really don't care if I become a scratch golfer. Sure I have the club distances, but I don't have the talent for it. It takes too much time and practice to get really good. I'll be quite happy shooting in the mid 80s which is where I think my game will peak.

[Rainmaker]

I know several guys who play pretty decent and never practice or try to improve.  They try to play as well as they can for each round ..and then don't think about golf again until the next round.  These are all guys who, at one time, did actually work on their game . . they must have because they're fairly decent . .they shoot low 90's and high 80's.  I guess they probably just decided they'd reached the point of diminishing returns for their practicing . .or maybe in the future they'll get the bug to work on their games again.     

[Dave325]

I have played on and off for nearly 50 years. My parents were avid golfers but I never learned to play the game properly. Struggled and nearly gave up year after year. The priorities in life made it so that practice was not on the list. Business made me travel and live out of a suitcase for years.  And frankly.... I loved being on the course and felt I was destined to suck. So I played my few rounds a year.... So years doing lot more and trying to learn on my own. But always came back to.... I suck at this. At the age of 61... I am just now this year considering myself to be a true student of the game.... A complete novice of sorts... But a student nonetheless. All this to be said.... It is a matter of priority and time commitment .... But one more major element that we have to have..... Passion and Persistence (oh... That's two). Passion to make us press in and DO IT and persistence to keep us going through all the shanks, tops and lost balls. So with that we press on.... Slowly moving steadily up the course to achieve that goal.

[9wood]

17 hours ago, turtleback said:

Golf does not occupy the same place in every golfer's life.  Getting better is YOUR priority.  Just enjoying the game may be HIS priority.  

The question is:  WHY does that frustrate YOU?

 

It frustrates me because he gets angry at his own game yet he won't do a thing to help improve his game. When he is angry at his game it makes our outing less enjoyable.

[LagShaft]

Be careful with your approach It's my opinion that a little coaching is acceptable on the golf course but instruction is not unless requested especially if you've just recently surpassed his abilities.  Just keep doing you and his competitive nature should lead him to try to improve.  After a while if nothing changes offer to tape his swing for him at the range so he can iron out the kinks or invite him to take a couple of lessons with you. Our Rec commission gives group lessons at the beginning of each summer so Something like that could be an approach. Just make sure you remember that you'd be  there to learn with him and not to reinforce what the instructor says to him it's his swing and you can't fix it he has to.  

[uitar9]

A lot of folks do not appreciate advice unless asked.

I have a playing partner. Often outwardly angry at a bad shot, or how the game is going-I initially tried to "help".That pissed them off even more.

Eventually just learned to ignore the anger. Funny, the anger stopped

It was my advice

We are still married

 

[mcanadiens]

Golf advice is a funny thing. What works for one may not work for another. I've benefited from some tips and been harmed by others. Under no circumstance am I ever going to listen to mid-round advice and the timing of that advice will probably be resented. After the round, I'll listen. If it really resonates maybe I'll try it on the range.

Casually adopting a particular tip someone offers or that you read in a magazine is a dangerous thing. My friend who started me on golf kept banging on about bending my knees. I didn't start improving until I disregarded this. It probably set me back six months. 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2015 by mcanadiens

[turtleback]

7 hours ago, 9wood said:

 

It frustrates me because he gets angry at his own game yet he won't do a thing to help improve his game. When he is angry at his game it makes our outing less enjoyable.

Well, I have always found that it is more fruitful to spend time with people I already enjoy being with, than trying to change someone who I don't enjoy into something else.  If you don't like playing with him don't play with him.  But if someone was trying to change me and persisted after it was clear that I wasn't interested I'd be pretty pissed if they persisted.

Anyway, you asked why, and you got answers.

[Yukari]

A simple answer is everyone is different, and therefore has different priorities. 

You should not try to force your priorities on him. 

Second, what works for one person does not necessarily work on another as everyone had a different swing. 

And more importantly, you should never give advice when not asked.

[Dave2512]

I know people that half ass try to get better they simply don't know how to improve. My folks have a friend that is arguable one of the funkiest golfers I have ever seen. Weird swing with a bunch of really bad habits. We had the same instructor. I've been at group clinics when he was there. The coach would show him stuff and for whatever reason he just couldn't do it exactly as it needed to be. My guess is he also didn't practiced what was recommended. He make small gains in lessons and go right back to everything bad.

This guy isn't a weekend warrior type either. He's retired plays a lot of golf and spends loads of money on new gear. I see people like this all the time. Some people will never understand what it takes to actually improve. They resist improving if anything.

[Jon Hoover]

My roommate is just like this. We started playing around the same time and while he was never better then me we were always pretty close. Then I went through this phase where I was just working on it all the time trying to maximize my swing and gain as much distance as possible, and ended up shooting lower scores as a result of it. As i got better he wanted to play less until its at the point it is now where he plays maybe 5 times a year. It wouldn't bother me so much but he is one, like many people I've heard about on this thread, he just gets so upset that every shot isn't perfect. Its just crazy when people hardly ever play and then have the expectation that they will go out and be playing like a PGA pro, and throw a fit when they don't.

[Dave2512]

I don't think it's the not playing enough thing it's they don't practice enough. Most enjoy the social and fun things with golf. My parents pay big $$ to their club every year. Their idea of practicing is hitting a dozen balls on the range and racing to the 1st tee.

I am guilty of slacking on practice this year and my scores suffered early in the year. I eventually played myself into half decent golf shape but it took about 80 rounds. Even then some things never improved. I have serious driver issues that I will have to address if I want to do more than just golf for fun in 2016. It will take more than desire I need to find the time. I am at the point taking it to the next level means using time I have to play to practice instead.

[WUTiger]

40 minutes ago, Dave2512 said:

I don't think it's the not playing enough thing it's they don't practice enough. Most enjoy the social and fun things with golf....

Since formally hitting the senior mark, I run into golfers I met 10 years back who now only play scrambles or an occasional nine holes. With senior golfers, many get frustrated with their game - and their bodies - going downhill and start to slack off.

I'll let the Gen-Xers speak for themselves on this.