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Who Can Write the Best Miguel Angel Jimenez "Most Interesting Man in Golf" One-Liner?

post #1 of 63
Thread Starter 
I'm filling in this week on Hittin' The Links, and one of the links I came across was a video from Ping about Miguel Angel Jimenez's crazy stretching routine, called, appropriately, "The Most Interesting Stretching Routine in the World."





That got me thinking, what would it be like to write a bunch of one-liners in the style of the Dos Equis "The Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials, but golf-themed?

So I wrote a bunch. Most are staggeringly, frighteningly awful (I'll post even the worst ones at some point if the thread takes off), and I'm sure you guys can come up with better ones.

If you need a refresher on the joke structure, a quick Google search yielded this: http://www.livin3.com/blogs/positive-life-blog/8486777-100-most-interesting-man-in-the-world-quotes

Most of them are common cliches that have been reworked. I'd recommend writing down every single one that comes to your mind, no matter how awful you think they are. Then post them. (Maybe point to the ones you think are the best.)

In the end, I'll pick a winner. All I can offer at this time is a rep point, but since I'm a moderator, mine are worth extra! a3_biggrin.gif

Here are a few of mine, for example:

For him, only 30% of his putts left short don’t go in.
He is “da man.”
All of his bounces are members' bounces.
He drives and putts for dough.

Go for it!
post #2 of 63
When he talks to his golf ball, it listens.
post #3 of 63

Even when you "nice" him, his putts drop.

 

When he makes a hole in one, the rest of the players at the course buy him a drink.

 

He's never between clubs.

 

I'll leave the good ones for other people. ;)

post #4 of 63

I don't usually fart when stretching, but when I do, people think it's my cologne

post #5 of 63

If callaway was smart they would get migel to do a callaway version of this commercial lol

It would be a hit!

 

post #6 of 63
When MAJ goes to sleep, he doesn't count golf holes. Golf holes count him.
post #7 of 63

There is an entire district in Rioja reserved for his personal consumption. His cigars are rolled between the thighs of virgin Korean LPGA players. The king of Spain calls him "Jefe", and gets eight a side.

 

PS: The original stretching video, with the Peter Alliss commentary, must be regarded as the ur-text!

 

 

post #8 of 63
I don't always bring a bottle of wine to the range, but when I don't I bring two.

Stay thirsty my friends.
post #9 of 63

Cuba imports cigars from him (This is actually from a commercial)

 

He never carries a lighter because his cigars spontaneously combust

post #10 of 63
The Laws of Ball Flight adapt to how he wants them to behave on any given shot
post #11 of 63

The only time he ever lost a match was when he dropped it trying to light his cigar.

 

When he hits into the trees, the trees are in trouble.

 

Rickie Fowler gives 18 footers to him.

post #12 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuciusWooding View Post

Rickie Fowler gives 18 footers to him.

Hilarious. Nicely done.

These remind me of Chuck Norris jokes so I checked if there were golf-specific ones:

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/taxonomy/term/630
post #13 of 63
The cart girl tips him for buying a beer.....
post #14 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by David in FL View Post

The cart girl tips him for buying a beer.....

Like it.

post #15 of 63

His divots go farther than your shots

He once on a par 3 hit one out of bounds just so he could make par the hard way

Even his shanks go straight

post #16 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by David in FL View Post

The cart girl tips him for buying a beer.....

NICE!!!!

post #17 of 63

His topped drive rolled 25 yards past your bomb

 

Miguel always has honors.  Even if you DID win the previous hole

 

His playing partners are ALWAYS away regardless of where a ball lies

 

He always plays it where it lies.  Even from a water hazard

 

He once sliced a ball off the planet just to experience a lost ball

 

The closest he's been to a water hazard is a ball washer

 

Miguel has never taken a penalty stroke, but levied many

 

He IS, the most interesting golfer alive.

 

dave

post #18 of 63
Miguel is Antoni Gaudi in disguise, his bunkershots are on the UNESCO World Heritage list.

Miguel's bunkershots are close AND a sigar.

Miguel is not given the honour, he is the honour.
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