Husband Chooses Golf Over Marriage

[Lonely one]

Are there any ladies out there that are going through something similar?  I could really use some advice on how to save my marriage.  I love that my husband has his hobbies but it's gotten to a point where I totally feel left out, he golfs at 3-4 times weekly, including every Saturday, not to mention he works nights but still has the energy to go play golf.  I feel like we live separate lives.  We went to dinner for the first time in months and it did not go very well, as there was such a disconnect between us.. I'm not trying to stop him from playing, I just, idk. He plays with his employees or his boss a lot of times. And other friends of his, they all see my husband more than I do. No told him I would like to learn to play but that didn't go over very well.  I just want time for US too.  Help!

 

Edited August 4, 2019 by Lonely one

[billchao]

2 minutes ago, Lonely one said:

Are there any ladies out there that are going through something similar?  I could really use some advice on how to save my marriage.  I love that my husband has his hobbies but it's gotten to a point where I totally feel left out, he golfs at 3-4 times weekly, including every Saturday, not to mention he works nights but still has the energy to go play golf.  I feel like we live separate lives.  We went to dinner for the first time in months and it did not go very well, as there was such a disconnect between us.. I'm not trying to stop him from playing, I just, idk.  Help!

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult situation. Have you discussed this with your husband?

[Lonely one]

Yes, I discussed it several times, including at dinner last night but he took it the wrong way or something to where we argued.  I feel if he was to put as much time in our marriage like he does golf then we would be in a better place, I just want my husband back.  I mean as much money he spends to play golf that much to where I have to initiate communications, etc is out of control.  I took my wedding rings off, I no longer feel like we are married, just strangers in passing 

Edited August 4, 2019 by Lonely one

[billchao]

14 minutes ago, Lonely one said:

Yes, I discussed it several times, including at dinner last night but he took it the wrong way or something to where we argued.  I feel if he was to put as much time in our marriage like he does golf then we would be in a better place, I just want my husband back.  I mean as much money he spends to play golf that much to where I have to initiate communications, etc is out of control.  I took my wedding rings off, I no longer feel like we are married, just strangers in passing 

I went through something similar recently. I hope it's not too forward of me to suggest, but I think the best course of action here is to seek out a marriage counselor. These situations are delicate and it's probably not something that's fixable by strangers on the internet.

[Patch]

Well, not being a marriage counseler myself, the OP has limited choices since the husband has made golf his priority, over his wife. 

One, serve the guy with divorce papers. Wedding ring have been removed, right? Best case scenario is, once served, the husband will see the error of being too preoccupied with his golf game, and will seek forgiveness. If not, then divorce him. Take the guy for all he is worth...monetarily speaking. Get the car, his golf clubs, and the home. 

Two, would be for the OP to find her own hobby, and wait for the husband to come around, and remember why he got married in the first place. Maybe take up her own golf game, and get involved with a local ladies golf league. If not golf, start taking trips, go sight seeing. Take a cruise. Take up camping, and hiking. Basically the OP should start doing her own thing(s) and get on with her own life. 

Three, might be for the OP to just continue doing what she is doing, which is a really poor choice. A miserable life is not a life. 

On the other hand, as a reader of this thread, I would not be surprised to find out we readers are actually being "punked" by the OP......lol

 

Edited August 4, 2019 by Patch

[Double Mocha Man]

It's not an "either/or" situation.  He can play golf (which doesn't mean he's not thinking of you) and you can learn a bit about the game and engage him in discussions when you have dinner together or at other times.  He will love you (more) for it.  But to be fair, he needs to react the same for any hobbies you take up... allowing you to fulfill yourself.  He needs to gain an appreciation for any endeavors you chose to follow.  Things evolve through life.  If everything stayed the same it would be boring.

[DeadMan]

Was hoping that this thread was a how-to... 😉

[Double Mocha Man]

11 minutes ago, Patch said:

If not then divorce him. Take the guy for all he worth...monetarily speaking. Get the car, and the home. 

And if you want to be really vindictive, get his golf clubs!

On a serious note, look back to your dating/early marriage days.  Try to re-create some of those situations.  We gravitate towards the things that give us the most enjoyment.  And if he's serious about saving his marriage he needs to do the same.  And put the rings back on to show him you are trying.

[Double Mocha Man]

I remember those vows... "... til death, or golf, do you part.".

[colin007]

I wish my wife wanted to learn how to play.

[Lonely one]

I just want say Thank you all very much for your advice, I greatly appreciate it.  He's at golf as we speak, I had tears in my eyes when I expressed my feelings to him at dinner but I just don't think he gets it, he straight up told me that he's not going to stop playing- nor do I want him to, I know golf is a relaxing sport for men, I get it. However my husband plays so much, that I was desperate enough to create an account on this website to try and get advice. I guess I could try and see if there is a local women's league or something to try and learn more.  I watch golf with him on tv, etc.. Marriage counseling is also a great idea, thank you all again very much!! 

[Double Mocha Man]

Just now, colin007 said:

I wish my wife wanted to learn how to play.

Nice.  But what does she enjoy doing that she'd like you to join her in?  Do that first.  Golf is not the "King" of hobbies.  Well, let me rethink that...

[colin007]

Just now, Lonely one said:

Marriage counseling is also a great idea, thank you all again very much!! 

This. You need to do this.

I think you'll find that the golf isn't really the issue.

[Double Mocha Man]

2 minutes ago, Lonely one said:

I just want say Thank you all very much for your advice, I greatly appreciate it.  He's at golf as we speak, I had tears in my eyes when I expressed my feelings to him at dinner but I just don't think he gets it, he straight up told me that he's not going to stop playing- nor do I want him to, I know golf is a relaxing sport for men, I get it. However my husband plays so much, that I was desperate enough to create an account on this website to try and get advice. I guess I could try and see if there is a local women's league or something to try and learn more.  I watch golf with him on tv, etc.. Marriage counseling is also a great idea, thank you all again very much!! 

Keep us posted.  We (men) are pulling for both of you.  Remember, we gravitate towards the things that give us the most enjoyment.

[Vinsk]

29 minutes ago, Lonely one said:

I know golf is a relaxing sport for men, I get it.

We don’t.

[chilepepper]

Tell him you’ve decided on a hobby for yourself......that you start private pilot lessons in a week

[Sandy Divot]

I know this will sound harsh, but walk away. He's made his choices known. In the long run you both will be much happier.

[CarlSpackler]

 

2 hours ago, Lonely one said:

Are there any ladies out there that are going through something similar?

I do not qualify to answer your post. I would be happy to chime in with my perspective as a man who has been married for 24 years.