Playing with someone who takes you "out of your game"

[Ladysmanfelpz]

Hey first post here!  Came from GolfWRX, but have been searching this site more and think I'll make the change.  

 

So on to my topic.  How do you guys play with someone who takes you out of your routine?  I'm talking about however, mentally, physically, emotionally.  

Personally for me I play with a good buddy of mine who is athletic, but thinks his success in other sports will carry over for golf.  For one he will do what many other cocky athletes will do and "trash talk" on the course.  Now I've had some friendly competitive rounds and everyone will razz each other a little bit, but the thing is its golf and its usually post shot.  "Sweet shank!" with a big hook. "Got all of that one!" on a duff. "Really pounded that one" on a worm burner.  Little jabs at each other to keep it fun and lighthearted.  But this kid will try to play mental games.  "Oh I can't wait til you fall apart."  "Hey buddy lets see how bad you slice this one" and all types of derogatory talk before and even in between shots!  Frankly its quite rude and can make for quite an unenjoyable round, but he is one of my best friends and will play with our group fairly often.  So I'm trying to find the best way to overcome it.  As I'm sure you already guessed I avoid riding in the cart with him like the plague.  The in between talk is unreal.  It's golf.  Sometimes you have good shots, others bad.  Say he had a good drive and I'm flirting with OB or hitting from the rough, "Dude you see you just have to have confidence.  I'm full of it.  I just step up and know where its going.    You just have to have confidence like me.  Do you have confidence issues?"    So the answer isn't just avoid it or space it out.  He tries to nit pick and poke at you the entire time when you just try to have a friendly round and good conversation.  LMK how you all would handle it.  And two let me hear your opinions on this and if you find this completely unreasonable. 

 

And my second example is more physical.  I am a high handicapper, but trending down by playing more and taking the Tathata course.  So I'm focused on body movements and the other lessons I am going through in Tathata when I go to the range and the guy next to me is striping it.  Shorter stature guy with fast tempo and explosive body movement and explosive hip turn.  Looked like a great athletic swing. Like Rickie Fowler. I have a slow back swing and slower transition and try to keep my swing smooth.  This is how I have been thinking and training since before I used to be the guy who tried to crush it every shot with poor results.  So anyways I say to myself its that easy and try to mimic that guy.  I start trying to throw my weight around and use quicker movements and I was spraying all over the place with poor contact.  Once he left and I go back to my own shot I was hitting it great!  A similar thing happened yesterday at the range before our round.  I was warming up with my buddy whom story 1, the cocky one, was about and he starts swinging for the fences.  He was a minor league baseball player so just tries to crush it everytime.  Suddenly I find myself swinging harder and harder as well.  My shots become more erratic yet I'm still swinging harder as I hear the whip and crack behind me from a max effort swing.  Even when I tell myself swing slow, or don't even pay attention to others' swings its like I subconsciously do.  Golf is a weird game.  How do you all deal with this and keep to YOUR game that you have spent so much time working on?  

[rehmwa]

I have a friend like that.  In my case it didn't really bother me any more than playing with anyone bothers me (I like solo rounds with the exception of just a few friends).  But it was easy - I just don't play ANY game with people like that.  If they can't bring themselves up without trying to bring others down, and then they find it funny to do so, I don't want that poison in my life.

As for the other thing, don't ever play the other guy's game in a serious fashion.  If you want to try and match someone, you need to be able to relax and do it as fun thing.  Or not at all.  More fun to play your own ball.  You really just need to 'choose' to.  It's that easy (or not)

[David in FL]

Welcome to the site!

The first guy, the trash talker, I just tune out.  I know that's a little easier said than done if you're less than confident in your own game, but mental toughness is a huge part of playing golf.  If he's mouthing off, look at it as a welcome opportunity to reach down deep and shut him up with a good shot.

The second issue is something I'm more used to.  I'm an older guy who plays with mostly younger flat bellies who hit it a LOT farther than I do.  When I step up on the tee after one (or all) of them has crushed a ball into the next county, I congratulate him on his nice drive.  Then, as I'm teeing it up, I say to myself, but  out loud "You can't do that, don't even try it.  You don't have to...".  My buddies chuckle a little, but it calms me down, and reminds me to play my game, not theirs.  

Again, glad you found your way over here from that other site.  Stick around!  

[Ladysmanfelpz]

  On 5/1/2017 at 8:26 PM, David in FL said:

Welcome to the site!

The first guy, the trash talker, I just tune out.  I know that's a little easier said than done if you're less than confident in your own game, but mental toughness is a huge part of playing golf.  If he's mouthing off, look at it as a welcome opportunity to reach down deep and shut him up with a good shot.

The second issue is something I'm more used to.  I'm an older guy who plays with mostly younger flat bellies who hit it a LOT farther than I do.  When I step up on the tee after one (or all) of them has crushed a ball into the next county, I congratulate him on his nice drive.  Then, as I'm teeing it up, I say to myself, but  out loud "You can't do that, don't even try it.  You don't have to...".  My buddies chuckle a little, but it calms me down, and reminds me to play my game, not theirs.  

Again, glad you found your way over here from that other site.  Stick around!  

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Lol @ flat bellies.

 

As my handicap has been improving I have been shutting him up with good shots.  Its just the constant nagging that gets to me and even when playing fairly well does not make for an enjoyable round.  I have expressed this to him and in combination with getting better, the nagging has decreased.

 

And with copying others, I am still finding my own swing.  Golf is a weird game with many different routes to success and when I see what works for one guy I guess I just go for it.  My swing isn't ingrained enough for me to stick with it.  Guess I'll keep working on the range by myself away from distraction .  Still looking for the magic zone out all others mind trick tho...

[GolfLug]

Oh yeah, I've been trashed talked into hitting duffs many a times. I get thrown off in overly uncomfortable situations. But in general, being a complete dick like your buddy would get in the way of something even more important than hitting couple of duck hooks - i.e., enjoying the round. How is this ANY fun that you want to do it repeatedly? 

Not saying what you should do but I would just suck up my pride and tell him to cut it out as it really bothers you. If he still continues or if that adds fuel to the fire then I would re-evaluate his 'best friend' status.

Edited May 1, 2017 by GolfLug

[TN94z]

The trash talker has never bothered me that much as long as it's not "during" the swing. I have gotten more rattled by pressure shots than trash talk. For instance, you're on a 2 man team and your partner completely derails on a hole and the win comes down to your shot....that type stuff. Most trash talkers I have played with generally talked a lot of trash for one of two reasons: 1) They are not nearly as good as they tell everyone and know their only chance of being competitive is to try and get in your head, or 2) They really, really cheat and think the trash talk can be used as to why you played poorly and not why they shot twice the score they turned in. We REALLY got a lot of enjoyment out of beating the guys that cheated on every hole.

If it took away from my game, I would have no problems talking with the guy and just being straight up with him. If you aren't enjoying the game, then it's not fair to you.

Edited May 1, 2017 by TN94z

[saevel25]

The only thing you can control is your reaction to what he is doing. If you keep calm, and beat him more often than not, then you will get under his skin. 

[mcanadiens]

I have this one dude that out drives me almost all the time and then goes immediately to his ball 30-50 yards in front of mine. The frigging guy is literally standing right in front of me as I'm trying to hit my second shot. I have to wave him away. He'll go maybe 20 feet over and then I'll swing still worried about possibly hitting him. 

[colin007]

SandTrap rulez, WRX droolz.... 

[Patch]

The only person that gives me a problem with my golf game routine is Ma Nature herself, when I golf in poor weather. That old gal can kick my butt. She is the ultimate defender of my own par, or better. 

Other peoples's antics don't phase me much, if at all. I have never been one to blame a poor score on someone else's "BS" on a golf course. I am the one hitting the ball. I have a pre-shot routine, that does not allow others to bother me. Folks who beat me on the golf course are just better golfers than me. No personal shame there. 

[drmevo]

What gets me is when I'm playing with people that are really slow and I start worrying more about getting our group back on pace than my own game. I rush shots and walk/jog too fast, which obviously gets my heart rate going...not good. I haven't found a good way to deal with it.

[sirsteveo55]

I have a cousin who can destroy a round pretty quickly and is not always fun to play with but I really enjoy playing with my uncle. Anytime I go visit we always play golf. I have noticed that I end up drinking a lot more and take the round a lot less serious when I play with them. I don't have any real good advice for you besides drink more on the course. It does not help but at least helps you forget the round. I really enjoy playing golf solo.

[BamaWade]

  On 5/1/2017 at 11:47 PM, drmevo said:

What gets me is when I'm playing with people that are really slow and I start worrying more about getting our group back on pace than my own game. I rush shots and walk/jog too fast, which obviously gets my heart rate going...not good. I haven't found a good way to deal with it.

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This, x1000.  I feel ya...and right there with ya.

[Jakester23]

I play with someone once and a while who tends to piss me off with his actions. He will hit a good shot and tell you good it was from the time he hit it until he gets to his ball for his 2nd shot(sometimes even a few holes later he's praising himself for how good he's hitting it ect...). He also like to give his fellow playing partners advice on their swing while they address the ball which really grinds my gears.  I try and just ignore him but it can be difficult especially if I'm struggling. Once it gets to a certain point you either have to say something or stop playing with your buddy. It's just not worth the aggravation when your paying to play to have someone ruin your fun.

[Mico]

@Ladysmanfelpz both of your anecdotes speak to your ability to focus on yourself and your game. In fact, your trash talking friend sounds almost like an instructor for teaching you to stay in your game!

i found a book a few years back that has helped me with concentration and you might find it useful too--no guarantee that it will help you play well with your loud-mouth friend, but it has helped my game.

Zen Golf: Mastering the Mental Game

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385504462/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_iz-bzbG29919C

 

 

 

[chilepepper]

I'm my own worst enemy. I tune most other stuff out. Someone throwing clubs constantly can be a real bore to play with and dim a round a bit

[Buckeyebowman]

  On 5/1/2017 at 9:19 PM, Ladysmanfelpz said:

Lol @ flat bellies.

 

As my handicap has been improving I have been shutting him up with good shots.  Its just the constant nagging that gets to me and even when playing fairly well does not make for an enjoyable round.  I have expressed this to him and in combination with getting better, the nagging has decreased.

 

And with copying others, I am still finding my own swing.  Golf is a weird game with many different routes to success and when I see what works for one guy I guess I just go for it.  My swing isn't ingrained enough for me to stick with it.  Guess I'll keep working on the range by myself away from distraction .  Still looking for the magic zone out all others mind trick tho...

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We are a species that has a great gift for mimicry. Sometimes for the good, many times for the bad. One time I hit the practice range at an area upscale daily fee course. The guy on the next tee looked like he should be on the Tour! As I loosened up with some practice swings I watched him. When I began to hit balls, I was just blazing them out there. I had picked up on his move through the ball!

As for needling, me and my buds do it all the time, but never in a mean spirited fashion. It can still affect you though. An old buddy of mine who moved West years ago was a champion skullcracker! We used to play a local course for a beer a stroke. One round we're walking to the last tee and he's adding up our scores. I tell him I don't want to know my score so far. I play one hole at a time, and the final score is what it is. He says, "OK, I won't tell you your score. I will tell you that we are tied, so all I have to do is par this last hole and you'll have to buy me beer since you've never parred this hole in your life!" BAZINGA!! He got me!

As for your super competitive friend, that's just how he is. I have friends like that. It takes some mental discipline to tune them out. Focus on the positive. Look at where you want your ball to finish. Don't look at the trouble!

[Jack Watson]

How serious is a recreational round anyways.  That stuff with your buddies is supposed to be fun!