How would you have handled this situation?

[Aguirre]

I've really worked on my temper over the years, and I feel I've got it mostly under control. But occasionally, I still lose my shit. Now, I don't think that in the following instance I "lost my shit" how we'd normally use the term, but in the serene world of playing golf, it may qualify.

I was at River Hills Country Club in Little River, SC (Myrtle Beach area) last Tuesday. I was playing with my mother and father and we were playing from three separate tee boxes. Myself from about 6400, my dad at the seniors, my mother some really forward tees that some of the courses in Myrtle have. So yes, that slows you down. My dad also has CPOD, and that slows us down further. However, we normally keep up pretty well so long as the course is crowded. And it was on this day. We had to wait on a twosome on the first hole, and on the second tee. There was a twosome behind his. Guys were in their mid 60s, one looked like late stage Jerry Garcia.

So after myself and my dad teed off on 2, we were waiting for my mother to hit. The twosome approaches the tee boxes, and I hear Jerry Garcia say "What the hell were they waiting for?" from fifty yards away. Now, old dudes don't realize that voices carry on a quiet golf course, and although they can't hear anymore, I certainly can. So I don't think he intended for me to hear that comment. But I took note.

Of course we waited because there was a twosome in the fairway about 220 from the tee when I arrived at the 2nd tee box. Now, this twosome was IN THEIR FIELD OF VIEW when Jerry Garcia made his comment. So we complete the hole, and as we arrive at no 3 (teed off on the back, so it's actually 12), the twosome is on the green. So I have to wait again. My parents drive across a bridge to wait near their tee boxes. The twosome behind us approaches the tee box right after I hit, so they didn't see why we had to wait this time. As I get off the tee box I say "Looks like it's going to be a bit slow today." I say this so these ****ing guys understand that I've been waiting, and to be patient. I'm met with dead silence. They didn't even make eye contact with me. We were only fifteen feet apart.

I get to the green (I'm on the fringe about ~40 feet away, my dad is on the green ~15 feet away, my mother is in the fairway. I line up my putt, and I considered putting before my mother, but she was getting close to being ready to hit, and I could see the twosome in front of us sitting in their cart waiting to tee off on number 3. I mean, we're not going anywhere. So I backed off the putt. Jerry Garcia, at the senior tees 125 yards away says "Play ready golf!" This was meant to be heard.

I yelled WHAT?! and stared him down. "You see that twosome on the next tee box?" This was not in an indoor voice. I'm quite loud and I was making sure he knew I was pissed. Anyway, he backed off, but I was all fired up now, and it took me an hour to calm down.

So did I overreact in getting that confrontational? Or did this asshole fully deserve it for not getting the information about the pace of play in front of us before making comments directly to us?

P.S. My dad and I both sunk our birdie putts on the hole in question.

[billchao]

15 minutes ago, Aguirre said:

So did I overreact in getting that confrontational?

No, those guys were assholes. Sucks they had to get you all worked up though, hope it didn't affect your enjoyment of the round.

Nice birdies 

[David in FL]

1 minute ago, billchao said:

No, those guys were assholes. Sucks they had to get you all worked up though, hope it didn't affect your enjoyment of the round.

Nice birdies 

Yup.

No one gets more worked up than I do over pace of play, and those who fail to let faster players through, but when there's nowhere to go, there's nowhere to go. 

[rehmwa]

Offer to let them through if they promise to join the 2-some in front of you.  (I have them tee of with my group as long as they sprint ahead and join the next group.  don't know what you prefer.  then if they decline, it's their problem, not mine.)

And when they avoided eye contact after you offered a verbal comment to get them to recognize the loaded course..  I'll walk over and shake hands and actually have a discussion about the pace of play - same as you did with your out loud comment, but I kind force them to acknowledge it.  Amazing what a smile and an approach does to keep jerks from being...well...jerks.  As soon as you make them see you as a person, it usually changes the dynamic.  Of course, some will never be decent, but you don't know until you try - but then anything goes.

Other than that, making it clear they were being jerks was just fine.  You did nothing wrong and gave them every signal  necessary before that point. 

 

Maybe a better dress code at the course would've helped.

Edited July 18, 2017 by rehmwa

[JonMA1]

You did nothing wrong @Aguirre. 

It's one thing to be frustrated with slow play, quite another for them to ignore the fact that there was a group in front yours.

[bkuehn1952]

28 minutes ago, rehmwa said:

Offer to let them through...

Yes, better to have the problem go away rather than follow you for 3+ hours.  Their behavior was uncalled for but sometimes it is better to just avoid getting into a dustup.

[rehmwa]

10 minutes ago, bkuehn1952 said:

Yes, better to have the problem go away rather than follow you for 3+ hours.  Their behavior was uncalled for but sometimes it is better to just avoid getting into a dustup.

I meant my comment not as just diffusing the situation.  In fact, I'd not do that at all because I wouldn't want to encourage them to be jerks to others......

But more in line that combining two 2-somes into a 4-some is just better for everyone on the course.

[bkuehn1952]

2 minutes ago, rehmwa said:

 

But more in line that combining two 2-somes into a 4-some is just better for everyone on the course.

While combining groups makes sense, telling a pair of jerks, "...you can play through only if you promise to pair up..." seemed to go a bit far.  I am there to play golf and have fun, not engage with idiots.  Let them go, maybe suggest they might pair up, but at least be rid of them, quickly.

[Shindig]

You did nothing wrong.  Let them know there's a group ahead of you and you're right behind them.  If they continue to push you to play faster so you can wait longer, consider being deliberately slow (i.e., if everyone else has finished the hole, the group ahead is still on the next tee, and you have a one foot putt, plumb bob it from both sides) for amusement and to calm down.  Obviously don't do this if you could hit from the next tee.

The important thing -- and I'm not particularly good at this -- is to not let it reduce your enjoyment.  Pushing pace of play is great... if there's pace of play to push.

[Golfingdad]

1 hour ago, Aguirre said:

I've really worked on my temper over the years, and I feel I've got it mostly under control. But occasionally, I still lose my shit. Now, I don't think that in the following instance I "lost my shit" how we'd normally use the term, but in the serene world of playing golf, it may qualify.

I was at River Hills Country Club in Little River, SC (Myrtle Beach area) last Tuesday. I was playing with my mother and father and we were playing from three separate tee boxes. Myself from about 6400, my dad at the seniors, my mother some really forward tees that some of the courses in Myrtle have. So yes, that slows you down. My dad also has CPOD, and that slows us down further. However, we normally keep up pretty well so long as the course is crowded. And it was on this day. We had to wait on a twosome on the first hole, and on the second tee. There was a twosome behind his. Guys were in their mid 60s, one looked like late stage Jerry Garcia.

So after myself and my dad teed off on 2, we were waiting for my mother to hit. The twosome approaches the tee boxes, and I hear Jerry Garcia say "What the hell were they waiting for?" from fifty yards away. Now, old dudes don't realize that voices carry on a quiet golf course, and although they can't hear anymore, I certainly can. So I don't think he intended for me to hear that comment. But I took note.

Of course we waited because there was a twosome in the fairway about 220 from the tee when I arrived at the 2nd tee box. Now, this twosome was IN THEIR FIELD OF VIEW when Jerry Garcia made his comment. So we complete the hole, and as we arrive at no 3 (teed off on the back, so it's actually 12), the twosome is on the green. So I have to wait again. My parents drive across a bridge to wait near their tee boxes. The twosome behind us approaches the tee box right after I hit, so they didn't see why we had to wait this time. As I get off the tee box I say "Looks like it's going to be a bit slow today." I say this so these ****ing guys understand that I've been waiting, and to be patient. I'm met with dead silence. They didn't even make eye contact with me. We were only fifteen feet apart.

I get to the green (I'm on the fringe about ~40 feet away, my dad is on the green ~15 feet away, my mother is in the fairway. I line up my putt, and I considered putting before my mother, but she was getting close to being ready to hit, and I could see the twosome in front of us sitting in their cart waiting to tee off on number 3. I mean, we're not going anywhere. So I backed off the putt. Jerry Garcia, at the senior tees 125 yards away says "Play ready golf!" This was meant to be heard.

I yelled WHAT?! and stared him down. "You see that twosome on the next tee box?" This was not in an indoor voice. I'm quite loud and I was making sure he knew I was pissed. Anyway, he backed off, but I was all fired up now, and it took me an hour to calm down.

So did I overreact in getting that confrontational? Or did this asshole fully deserve it for not getting the information about the pace of play in front of us before making comments directly to us?

P.S. My dad and I both sunk our birdie putts on the hole in question.

You were fine.  To answer the question in the title (what would I do?), it wouldn't be what you did for the sole reason that I have a "wimpy" voice that is not deep or loud enough to carry that far.  I'd have probably "mimed" the same thing you said though.  Thrown up my hands and then gesture over to the group waiting ahead of us in a "what do you want from me?!? there is nowhere to go." sort of way and then hope that he got the message.

[Piz]

I'll join the chorus and say @Aguirre did the right thing.  The trouble with jerks is that they don't know they are jerks...that's why they are jerks.  Letting them know is seldom effective; but it does strike a blow for the rest of us.

[Patch]

I would have done the same as the OP. The "Garcia Group" were being turd heads. 

That said, 20-30 years ago, I might have become a turd head myself just for the fun of it. I have mellowed quite well in my old, aged ways. Now days, I just smile at things like this, and go on about my business..

Then again, now that I think about it, 20-30 years ago these types of problems didn't seem to happen as much as they seem to today. 

[Kalnoky]

2 hours ago, Aguirre said:

Now, old dudes don't realize that voices carry on a quiet golf course, and although they can't hear anymore, I certainly can.

Oh no, they know full well you can hear them. I've gone out with groups that make a sport out of insulting anyone in front of us, for pretty much anything. 

Where was the Marshall? The guys behind you should have gone out with the group in front. Also, the starter should not be letting twosomes out on a busy day. 

I tell you guys, I love Twilight Golf. 18 holes walking in just over 3 hours. It is the best. 

 

[jetsknicks1]

Sounds like the whole thing could've been avoided by a starter who knew what they were doing. Since Garcia was right behind your group, I'd guess that they were already checked in when the twosome in front of you teed off. If that was the case, the starter should've put those two groups together.

 

that being said, I don't think you really did anything wrong.

 

edit: Didn't see Kalnoky's post till I posted mine.

Edited July 18, 2017 by jetsknicks1

[WUTiger]

You have to push back against people who are rude and abusive.

[iacas]

4 hours ago, Shindig said:

If they continue to push you to play faster so you can wait longer, consider being deliberately slow (i.e., if everyone else has finished the hole, the group ahead is still on the next tee, and you have a one foot putt, plumb bob it from both sides) for amusement and to calm down.  Obviously don't do this if you could hit from the next tee.

Don't do that. Why? It needlessly escalates.

[David in FL]

4 minutes ago, iacas said:

Don't do that. Why? It needlessly escalates.

Yeah.  Really!

[Buckeyebowman]

5 hours ago, rehmwa said:

Offer to let them through if they promise to join the 2-some in front of you.  (I have them tee of with my group as long as they sprint ahead and join the next group.  don't know what you prefer.  then if they decline, it's their problem, not mine.)

And when they avoided eye contact after you offered a verbal comment to get them to recognize the loaded course..  I'll walk over and shake hands and actually have a discussion about the pace of play - same as you did with your out loud comment, but I kind force them to acknowledge it.  Amazing what a smile and an approach does to keep jerks from being...well...jerks.  As soon as you make them see you as a person, it usually changes the dynamic.  Of course, some will never be decent, but you don't know until you try - but then anything goes.

Other than that, making it clear they were being jerks was just fine.  You did nothing wrong and gave them every signal  necessary before that point. 

 

Maybe a better dress code at the course would've helped.

Sometimes jerks are just jerks, no matter the amount of positive input!

And you're right. They avoided eye contact because they KNEW they were being jerks!