Making tee times for you and your wife/girlfriend..

[sharpljp]

My lady has recently gotten hooked on golf. She isn't the best as of yet but she's hooked and has the will to keep working to get better. One thing that she isn't crazy about is playing with other golfers. I think half of the reason why is due to our last experience. First I want to mention that I have been playing golf since I was 4 and understand/respect the game of golf and the proper etiquette of golf. I have always invited singles to play along when appropriate and of course, let faster groups play through when necessary (isn't often as I play fast). So, I understand that when you go out to a golf course, you don't own the course and cannot dictate who you get paired up with. 95+% of the time I enjoy meeting other golfers and have even become good friends with a few that I've met at the starter. 

I explained to her that sometimes, particularly on busy days, you will get paired up with others if you arrive with less than a foursome. She understands but admits her experience is totally different and much more enjoyable when she doesn't play with strangers. Most of the time then we are traveling and playing golf, the pro and/or starter recognizes that we are a couple and probably want to play by ourselves if possible. They arrange the tee times accordingly and we leave two happy customers. However.. the last time we played, we got paired up with two very serious men. And then, right on cue, my wife had a bad day hitting the ball and honestly slowed down the whole group. I could tell the others were getting irritated. They shot around 80 and I shot 79 myself. But they were extremely serious and not really the type of golfers that I prefer to play with. Just my preference. 

So.. for all of you starters and pro shop men/women familiar with any options I may have..

How can I make a tee time, while respecting the etiquette of the game I love so dearly, that will allow us to play alone if possible? On packed days, I totally 100% understand that sometimes you simply must be paired up, and that's fine. It's something she will have to get used to. But when it is the off-season (like now).. what is the proper way to go about this? Any tips that anyone could offer? My thought was that if we make a tee time for later in the afternoon, where we would finish around sunset, that it may be a good time for minimal traffic on the tee box. I have heard others tell me to let my wife call and make the tee time herself and ask, if possible, if we can schedule a tee time that would give us the best chance to enjoy a round by ourselves. I wonder if certain resorts or courses actually cater more to couples?

PS- Kingsmill Resort hooked us up (and the other couples we met said the same thing). The kind pro asked if we would prefer to play alone and she lit up with a smile, responding thank you so much. Kingsmill is the best and they have done that for us both times we have stayed at the resort. Virginia Beach National on the other hand.. told us we were getting paired up regardless (they weren't halfway busy that day). He was an arrogant, rude person on top of that. It seemed like he enjoyed pairing us up, for no reason as the course was pretty empty. So.. I will gladly never return and give them my business. But they seemed like they did not even really want couples out there. Opposite of Kingsmill.  

ALSO- I realize that playing with another couple or two friends would result in a foursome. But that isn't always available when we travel or when we want to bring a bottle of wine along with us and enjoy our afternoon.

Edited November 7, 2017 by sharpljp

[RandallT]

I think you've covered everything, but I'll be interested to see if there are any tips from others. My guess is that you'll find different answers and different attitudes at every single course, and it's incumbent on you or your wife to simply ask politely- respecting their business (as you seem to). 

Sometimes you'll win, sometimes you'll lose. And I doubt there's any secret tip that'll improve your odds.

My only advice is to encourage your wife to give it a chance. Pick the time that suits your life, not suits the better odds of being alone. In my experience at local muni's in the northern VA area, I only rarely get paired with people that are annoying- and even then not so bad that it ruins my round or my day. Usually the experience is much better with other people. I've gotten to the point where I far prefer being paired with others than being alone. And I'm a big-time introvert.  

[rehmwa]

You can usually see the availability of local courses on line.  Be flexible enough and target times and courses when they are just not busy.  Until she gets comfy.  Other:

1 - if a jerk starter unnecessarily pairs you up on an empty course - easy enough to let the other 2 some play ahead on the 2nd tee

2 - if she is playing her best and it slows down the group - either she can pick up after a few shots, or they can just deal with it.  It's not hers or your responsibility to guarantee a 2.5 hour round for a couple pricks.  especially if they go out of their way to make her feel uncomfortable.  (i.e., if you can tell they are 'getting irritated', too bad for them.  If they were true gentlemen, they'd help out finding balls, raking traps etc so the whole group can go faster - rather then just acting snotty.)

[NM Golf]

As a starter at a golf course it is not always easy sending off a twosome. First, to golf course management a twosome is just a tee time that isn't making as much money as a foursome tee time. Golf courses are businesses after all, they are there to try and make money. They want to get as many people on the course as they can. Thats why they employ starters.

If you want to play as a twosome you need to play at the least busy time possible. Call the course and ask when the best time is to play alone as a twosome.  I always attempt to put people by themselves, but I always tell people I will put you down as a twosome, but I cannot make others wait because you want to play alone. If it works out then great.

Years ago I did have a husband and wife that paid for all 4 players so they could play alone. He had the money, the course filled the time, everyone was happy.

33 minutes ago, rehmwa said:

1 - if a jerk starter unnecessarily pairs you up on an empty course - easy enough to let the other 2 some play ahead on the 2nd tee

DO NOT do this ^^^^. If a starter puts you together, he/she did it for a reason. Breaking up on the course just slows everything down and makes everyone behind you mad. I have no idea why a starter would force people to play together on an empty course, unless they absolutely had to. Being a starter is a thankless job anyway, people get pissed at us for the course being busy, like we have control over that. We are in the customer service industry, we want you to have a good time, just not at the expense of others or the course itself.

Edited November 7, 2017 by NM Golf

[rehmwa]

4 minutes ago, NM Golf said:

We are in the customer service industry, we want you to have a good time

That's a great attitude.  It would be great if that was universal at all courses, but it's not always the case.

 

Quote

I have no idea why a starter would force people to play together on an empty course

that was kind of the point, else I agree with the rest of what you said

Edited November 7, 2017 by rehmwa

[jsgolfer]

My wife and I play all of the time when we travel and she too likes to play with just the two of us and she is a decent player (19 index).  When we do get paired up, it's usually when we play earlier in the morning.  But luckily we haven't gotten paired with any pricks that I can remember.  In fact the last couple of times, we've been paired with some really nice people.  But if she does want to play separately, we always book an afternoon tee time, which generally has allowed us to play as a twosome.  Although, if you play in Scottsdale in the summer time, chances are you'll have the whole course almost to yourselves. 

The other thing to do, which others have said is come up with a reasonable score for a hole and if she doesn't make it pick up.  My wife will pick up if she has a bad hole to keep things moving.  Because she doesn't like slow play either. 

[Club Rat]

A suggestion for @sharpljp would be to speak with the pro shop about open time slots which occur during the week which are typically less busy.
Most courses have busy schedules on various days and inquire which days are slowest, or typically less busy.

Some day's they may have gaps on there tee sheet at certain hours.
If your schedule is flexible when you can play, you may find it beneficial and avoid the busier times.
 

[shanksalot]

I play golf with my wife all the time, but she has played to a single digit handicap most of the time. However when we play with other couples , some courses like to pair up couples, if the woman is new to golf and is having problems we just go along with it unless our group is falling behind. It is smart to have her pick up if she is the sole reason for falling behind. Just because one of the group is a low handicapper does not always mean they are fast players. I find if everyone plays ready golf even if one is not a very good player as long as they can play ready golf usually you won't slow down your group.

Also if you tell the person at the pro shop when you make a tee time that your girlfriend is a new player they may just add a single to your group. As long as your group keeps up with the group in front of you it should work out fine.  

[David in FL]

4 hours ago, rehmwa said:

You can usually see the availability of local courses on line.  Be flexible enough and target times and courses when they are just not busy.  Until she gets comfy.  

This ^^^^  

 

4 hours ago, rehmwa said:

 if a jerk starter unnecessarily pairs you up on an empty course - easy enough to let the other 2 some play ahead on the 2nd tee

Absolutely NOT this!!  ^^^^  

 

4 hours ago, rehmwa said:

 if she is playing her best and it slows down the group - either she can pick up after a few shots, or they can just deal with it.  It's not hers or your responsibility to guarantee a 2.5 hour round for a couple pricks.  especially if they go out of their way to make her feel uncomfortable.  (i.e., if you can tell they are 'getting irritated', too bad for them.  If they were true gentlemen, they'd help out finding balls, raking traps etc so the whole group can go faster - rather then just acting snotty.)

Snotty has nothing to do with it.  The whole "I paid my money so I can take as long as I want and do whatever I want" thing doesn't hold water when your actions negatively affect others.

While it's not their responsibility to "guarantee a 2.5 hour round", it IS their responsibility to maintain their speed and position behind the group in front of them.  If she can't, pick up and move on.  Everyone will enjoy their round more, including the dozens of people behind them...

[sharpljp]

@shanksalot I agree. But pace of play is not a problem with her and as a matter of fact, she plays quicker than the majority of men. It's just the fact that she'd almost rather not play than to be paired up. 

Single digit handicap.. you have a lot to deal with.. lol

 

 

[rehmwa]

27 minutes ago, David in FL said:

Absolutely NOT this!!  ^^^^  

Snotty has nothing to do with it.  The whole "I paid my money so I can take as long as I want and do whatever I want" thing doesn't hold water when your actions negatively affect others.

 

You're strawmanning with the quote there, Dave - .  hyperbole is fun.  Let's go with what the OP wrote - empty course, assume the poster and his wife have a reasonable pace, and the other 2 some is being rude about it regardless.

If they are polite and kind and suggest ways to keep up pace of play absolutely.  If they are snotty and just going out of their way to make her uncomfy, then they get what they give, or they go ahead and that diffuses the problem.  (I did mention picking up as an option).  I was addressing the specific post, not in general.

Also - Empty course, I don't see why you guys are so passionate on this one.  I already answered that aspect from the other post hopefully I don't get a pileon of the same comment.

 

The other thing that doesn't click with me is the converse of the same suggestion, if the other 2-some was so pissy about it and the course was empty, why didn't they just rabbit off ahead and leave the OP and wife behind?  (same result, but the other 2some makes the call)

Edited November 7, 2017 by rehmwa

[GolfLug]

My wife plays with me once every few months and is a beginner. Last time we got paired up was a few weeks ago with another decent golfer who could not have been nicer. She was very nervous about getting paired up but this fellow really 'got it' and she settled in after the first hole. Funny we waited with another 4 some that was ahead of us on the 13th hole on wards for 15 mins+. The whole course was backed up. 

For our part for pace, I made her pick up the ball and move to mine every time she flailed without making contact a few times or whenever she dribbled the ball up more than once in sequence. Actually as a non-serious golfer she was more than happy to do so as it helped reduce her frustration. She lasted 5 full holes!! Lol!

IMHO it is ok to have your kids/beginner spouse pick up the ball to keep pace. Grinding out every single one of the 150+ shots can't be good for the soul. I think it should be high on the list of golf education. Some folks can or will never break 100 but everyone can be a good golfer. 

1 hour ago, David in FL said:

Absolutely NOT this!!  ^^^^  

 

5 hours ago, NM Golf said:

DO NOT do this ^^^^. If a starter puts you together, he/she did it for a reason. 

Agreed but not at the expense of a completely miserable experience for the entire foursome on an empty golf course. What purpose does that serve if nobody is being held up? If there is a reason outside of that then I would like to hear it. 

5 hours ago, NM Golf said:

Being a starter is a thankless job anyway, people get pissed at us for the course being busy, like we have control over that. 

Most reasonable people who do not have an overabundant sense of entitlement wouldn't blame the starter.  

@sharpljp, I have not encountered anybody overly rude at VB National but they don't go out of their way to make you feel welcome either. The course management in general can use a makeover. 

Edited November 7, 2017 by GolfLug

[Kalnoky]

I've heard other golfers grousing about being paired with beginners, especially women. So it does happen. 

Let the starter know you prefer to play just the two of you, sometimes they assume you want company, even on slow days, and they will find people to pair you up with. They'll even call down to the range to see if someone's done warming up, so you can have a playing partner. Some of these guys are very social, extroverted people, and it doesn't occur to them why you might want to play as a twosome when you could be a foursome. 

A second option is to ask if you can go off the back. As long as nobody's on the 8th green they'll usually let it slide. 

A third option is Twilight Golf. Plus cheaper rates during Twilight.

good luck

Edited November 7, 2017 by Kalnoky

[Buckeyebowman]

2 hours ago, GolfLug said:

My wife plays with me once every few months and is a beginner. Last time we got paired up was a few weeks ago with another decent golfer who could not have been nicer. She was very nervous about getting paired up but this fellow really 'got it' and she settled in after the first hole. Funny we waited with another 4 some that was ahead of us on the 13th hole on wards for 15 mins+. The whole course was backed up. 

For our part for pace, I made her pick up the ball and move to mine every time she flailed without making contact a few times or whenever she dribbled the ball up more than once in sequence. Actually as a non-serious golfer she was more than happy to do so as it helped reduce her frustration. She lasted 5 full holes!! Lol!

IMHO it is ok to have your kids/beginner spouse pick up the ball to keep pace. Grinding out every single one of the 150+ shots can't be good for the soul. I think it should be high on the list of golf education. Some folks can or will never break 100 but everyone can be a good golfer. 

 

Agreed but not at the expense of a completely miserable experience for the entire foursome on an empty golf course. What purpose does that serve if nobody is being held up? If there is a reason outside of that then I would like to hear it. 

Most reasonable people who do not have an overabundant sense of entitlement wouldn't blame the starter.  

@sharpljp, I have not encountered anybody overly rude at VB National but they don't go out of their way to make you feel welcome either. The course management in general can use a makeover. 

One of the more reasonable replies I've read. If your wife (or husband) is an absolute beginner don't turn golf into torture for them! We're trying to recruit players to the game!  Let them pick up and bring the ball up with yours,

That being said, I'd also advise avoiding weekend and peak weekday times whenever possible. And, for the "golfer" in the couple, you might want to look for some easier, less crowded courses where your partner can relax a bit. Tension filled golf is rarely good for amateurs. You might not feel challenged by the track, but it's not about you is it?

 

[Pretzel]

If it's not busy it's usually as simple as requesting that you play as a group of two since one of your golfers is new to the game. Most people understand, and if it's not a busy time they'll find you a time that works. If it's busy they'll probably say that you can't do that, but it never hurts to ask.

The best time to ask, at least in my experience as the guy who works the counter and calls out tee times at a course, is when you're checking in at the front desk. That's when I have the best idea of how busy it is, and I can honestly tell you if it'll be possible or if it isn't in the card. I can also let you know that while it may not be possible at your booked tee time, if you wait 30 minutes for the rush to clear I can get you out with just the two of you.

[uitar9]

I'm lucky as well. The wife is hooked and we play weekly. Usually play the same muni, same time, know the starters. She was nervous meeting strangers as well but quickly realized, the better golfers understand, while most are at the same or less golf level and are just out there to enjoy the game. 

[mcanadiens]

Depending on whats around you, appropriate course selection can go a long way here also.

It wasn't very long ago that I was a beginner and had my buddy run me out on courses that I had no business being on. 1) they were too tough and 2) they were too crowded. I'm sure groups behind us were less than pleased.

Not long after that I discovered a little executive course nearby and played the rest of my first year there and on another short and easy course. Those outings went much better. Obviously, the easier the course the less time it will take in general. Also, easier courses tend to be populated by fellow high-handicaps and beginners so more of you are in the same boat anyway. It cuts the tension down.

 

  

Edited November 8, 2017 by mcanadiens

[NM Golf]

16 hours ago, GolfLug said:

Agreed but not at the expense of a completely miserable experience for the entire foursome on an empty golf course. What purpose does that serve if nobody is being held up? If there is a reason outside of that then I would like to hear it. 

On a completely empty golf course I don't think there is any reason to put people together, BUT... what you consider an empty golf course and what I consider an empty golf course may be two different things. Like I said I always try to keep twosomes who want to play as two by themselves. It doesn't always work out and sometimes they come in mad or want a refund etc. Their perception was it's and empty course and I am being an ass. What they don't know is if I put them together I had to because its not as empty a course as they think it is.