Anger Management on a golf course - What is your key?

[Divotmaker77]

I am competitive with myself and can get frustrated when I do not play well, but I do not want to break clubs or anything.  The older I have gotten the better I have not showed my frustration out loud to my playing partners and just have a hit the next shot mindset.  I get more frustrated missing short putts or leaving long ones way short than I ever do spraying some shots with the other clubs.  Its all perspective and after I hit any shot I just think about having the ability to be on nice golf course, getting good exercise, enjoying the weather, scenery, and the company of others I am playing with.

I probably gets most "annoyed" with the fellow players on the course who play too slow and/or have minimal course etiquette.  Pace of play in 5 consecutive rounds (at the end of my golf season last year) was the slowest I can remember.  Last round I played took over 5.5 hours.  I just told myself not to get angry and when I got done I put my clubs away and have not touched them since.

[sjduffers]

I might shake my head or even mutter an expletive under my breath, but that's it.  After I walk off from the scene of the crime (i.e. move further down the hole or off the green), it's done, over with.

I am much more frustrated by the stupid things I may see from time to time on a golf course, by inconsiderate players (e.g. driving their cart too close to a fairway bunker because they are f*ing lazy!) or by the glacial pace of play in front when nothing is happening and everyone is standing there, doing nothing.  I may even shoot at that group in front a loud "While we're young!, or "Get off the f*ing bunker!", all the while making sure that is not disturbing a player in the vicinity, but that too is over right after I yell it...

[Yukari]

I understand that it's just a game, etc.  But I have not seen "how" to manage.  For me, just enjoying a cigar helps me relax and forget about the bad shot.

Granted, some people are wired differently.  Some are very even keel no matter what life throw at them.  But others have a very short fuse.

I read somewhere that Tiger has "ten step rule" where when he hits a bad shot he walks ten steps to forget about that shot.  Besides the 'mindset' what is it that you do to help you get your anger in control.  Do you walk it off, like Tiger, count to ten, talk about something besides golf with your foursome, or something else?

[imsys0042]

A shorter way of restating what I said above is that I think getting really angry is rooted in something else, not playing well at golf. However, the way that I deal with building frustration or anger on the golf course I do it in 2 ways. 1 - focus in trying my best and forcing myself to look forward to the next shot, concentrate there and focus on not worrying about the outcome. 2- plan what my practice will be to make it better so I can sit back and not worry about any individual shot. My time gets so pegged for being able to practice that I draw up a schedule of what I want to do. If things fall off a cliff I adjust as much as necessary.

[SAGolfLuvr]

So reading a thread about temper tantrum got me thinking, instead of complaining about people throwing temper tantrums, how about providing some solution to the problem?

I've played with several people like that. They don't respond favorably to advice on how not to blow up on the golf course. Completely not expected and catching me by surprise, they told me that they like the way I handle myself when I hit a bad shot. I either laugh at it or "shrug my shoulders/roll my eyes" and move on. So they like playing with me and sometimes it rubs off on them. One time a guy told me that he invited me to a tournament just because I had a calming influence on him. So I guess a good way to help them is to set the example.

[DrvFrShow]

Yeah, in the spring when the lawn mower leaves a 6" deep trough in the soft ground about 4 feet off the path. My ball finds it. That is an unplayable if it is after June 21st. However if it is on May 30, under the preferred lie rule, I can move it anywhere within a 6" radius of where it is, and hit it from there. Ah.... how to bend the local rule...... I could have gotten mad, but just had that brilliant idea.

[jetsknicks1]

I just try to walk it off. I always ride when I play but after a bad shot, if i feel I'm getting frustrated I'll usually grab a couple clubs and walk to my next shot. I find that it gives me time to relax and get over the last shot.

[ghalfaire]

Many years ago when I was a younger man, I would "throw a fit" and once wrapped a 9 I around a tree.  I told myself I play for fun and if I am not having fun I am stupid for playing.  So I quit for several years.   But when I later decided I would like to play again I had a new attitude and decided I would not have temper tantrums.   So when I hit a bad shot I just tell myself that event he pros hit bad shots and good golfers spend the time figuring out how to avoid or minimize the damage and not in useless negative thoughts.   It took awhile to accomplish this attitude and some practice but today I have fun and try to make sure my partners do too and yes, I still hit some bad shots but I don't create a bad environment by acting like a spoiled brat and just tell myself that even on bad days it is better than being at work.

[Orlando38]

I rarely post to this site(been lurking last few weeks)... Like a few have mentioned, people are "wired" differently. I am a type A, short temper person(which I HATE, and please don't think I am "proud" of getting upset when I play golf). I also have severe ADD. If anyone else here has bad ADD, or know someone who does, some or most with ADD, have a problem with impulsivity and especially temper problems. I have been playing golf for 15 years now(I am a ex D1 college football player and used to hate golf till the "Tiger effect").

Probably my biggest issue in golf is with getting upset and very frustrated on the course(I don't throw clubs though). It is VERY hard for me to not swear after bad shots.  I have improved in age, but not a lot.

I excelled in every sport I have ever played(played 4 varsity sports in high school), so yes, I am VERY, VERY competitive. Which is a big time curse when you play golf(drastic different skill sets than sports like Bball and FBall). I don't look at golf as something to just go out and spend $40 and its all glory and sniffing the wonderful air and enjoying the scenery(I fish and just go hiking if I want to do this). When I start loosing balls off the tee, that is the start of my temper issues on the course. Golf is expensive and when you start loosing balls and paying a fairly high green fee, this compounds the bad play even more and frustration(losing money).

I don't enjoy most PGA tour guys. They are so boring and lack personality. You hit a bad shot...react a little. I am NOT condoning Temper Tantrums, but act like it matters to you sometimes. These guys(besides probably John Daly and a FEW others), all seem to be these "perfect/super nice" guys. The all American types. I want to see more "weirdo's" like Daly and that other wacko, Woody Austin(I think this is his name), this makes golf more interesting. Personality.  Guys like Duffner, Jimmy Walker, Matt Kuchner and most others seem like they are literally on sedatives!

I think a majority of golfers look at golf as an escape to work and maybe their boring family life, so most do not get upset. Many people who play golf  have the laid-back "nothing bothers them in life" personality anyway.  I probably should quit playing all together, I have been debating this the last few years. I don't have the "who cares" attitude that most here and golfer that I play with have.

Good post, btw. Sorry for the rambling. If you got through this post, I will buy you a cold one(if I ever meet you in the Orlando area).

[Club Rat]

@Orlando38

Welcome to the Sand Trap.

Don't feel like your a lone ranger with your frustrations with the game of golf.

It is a great game, difficult for many, yet natural for a few.

Being an athlete and competitive, most will have to be humbled until they accept that golf is very difficult.

Even the Pro's usually have difficult times controlling their emotions.

Many play the game for various reasons, like you mentioned, but many are also "students of the game"

Golf is a Gentleman's game for many, for others it's just an activity to pursue for many different reasons.

One of the things playing golf which is seldom mentioned and truly overlooked, is that golf opens the door for a lot of great things in life.

For some, it's an opportunity for doing things in their life which they never would.

Making a friend, seeing the beauty of various different places, and for many a return to a sport when they are older.

Golf is and always will be a social activity, just like "having a cold brewski with anyone"

Club Rat

[Orlando38]

thanks Club Rat. I agree golf can open doors...while I lived in Cali, I played on average 2 days a week(got to be a low 'cap), and met a few friends on the golf course... You are right on many of your points. I am at the point where every year I debate quitting the game. If I was married with kids, I defiantly would. I played yesterday. While I didn't get real mad, on the last hole, I let out some swearing and talking to myself with a group of 3 other "retired" guys. Embarrassing. Seriously thinking about taking some meds, if I continue playing. My brain has a hard time, "pausing" and stopping before I speak or react sometimes. Hurts all areas of my life.

btw, I think another poster is from Orlando area on here. I played Magnolia Plantation in Heathrow(Mike Bender school of golf). Have you played this before? I heard from the guys I was playing with that it is in better shape than anytime the last 10 years. Paid $13 for green fee. Gotta love golf now.

[Club Rat]

My few journeys to Florida have always been on the Gulf side.

I spent many years in Colorado and traveled to the southwestern states.

Later moved back to the Midwest and have been south several times.

I played once in the Orlando area back in 1976.

Yea I'm older than dirt and thankful I'm still walking on it.

Hoping someday, The Sand Trap will organize a National Week of Golf where many members can play golf together for a few days.

But that's an idea for another thread.

There's many members who get together in regions for outings.

Next time I'm at my club having a beer, I'll raise the beer and say " this ones for Orlando"

Club Rat

[phan52]

So reading a thread about temper tantrum got me thinking, instead of complaining about people throwing temper tantrums, how about providing some solution to the problem?

Relatively recently, I've taken up cigar smoking when I play golf (notice not "golfing" ).  When I have a bad shot, I don't let that shot get to me, I just take a puff on the cigar. Somedays, I end up smoking a lot more than others.  LOL.

What do you do after a bad shot to NOT get angry?

I still get angry when I am playing poorly but I don't have temper tantrums anymore (I had some doozy's in my youth). Why make it unpleasant for everybody else just because you are having a bad day? If anything, I laugh it off now. Can't get that shot back anyway, just take care of the next.

[Moppy]

Anybody see Tim Tebow throwing around his club in front of the simulator on Morning Drive today?

[dkolo]

Anybody see Tim Tebow throwing around his club in front of the simulator on Morning Drive today?

Did it get picked off by an intern?

[Golfingdad]

Perspective!  it is all perspective.  Every day is a gift.  Believe it.

I am there for fun ...

After a double, I also remind myself that I'm likely to get a bunch of bogies in any given round, and a double is nothing more than 2 of them.

It's a game. Why anyone gets mad is beyond me…

No, easy for me to DO, too.

It's a game.

Heck, it's my profession too, and I still find it easy to both SAY and DO.

I have no problem with frustration. It can be a good thing. But frustration doesn't have to lead to anger.

All of the above.  With "perspective" being number one, in my book.  I'm choosing to play golf because it's something that I find to be fun.If I got angry all of the time, it wouldn't be fun, and so I just wouldn't do it anymore.

I understand that it's just a game, etc.  But I have not seen "how" to manage.  For me, just enjoying a cigar helps me relax and forget about the bad shot.

I just smile or laugh because A) I know to expect bad shots because I'm not very good, and B) I get a chance to try and make a recovery shot in some cases.  It's one thing to hit a drive 300 yards down the middle, or to hit an iron from 150 yards in the middle of the fairway to tap-in birdie range, but neither of those are as memorable as the low hook 6-iron from 160 to 15', or the intentionally cut 8-iron through a 15' diameter window in the trees onto the green, or the punch 5-iron from 120 over a ridge in the green to 8' of an inaccessible pin with 100 people watching.

Go ahead and get angry or frustrated for a sec, let out a curse word, but then re-focus and try to get out of the predicament that you just created.  It's all part of what makes the game fun.

[iacas]

Go ahead and get angry or frustrated for a sec, let out a curse word, but then re-focus and try to get out of the predicament that you just created.  It's all part of what makes the game fun.

Yeah, I'm not going to pretend I never say "awwww, **** me" or something on the course. I get upset.

But if it ever crossed the line where it annoyed the guys in the cart with me or whatnot, that's when it'd be across the line. I did that years ago when I was younger, but have matured. I don't think anyone could really tell these days if I was -3 or +13 judging by my outward attitude.

It's just a game. Realizing that - heck even "embracing" that - has done wonders.

[dkolo]

Yeah, I'm not going to pretend I never say "awwww, **** me" or something on the course. I get upset.

But if it ever crossed the line where it annoyed the guys in the cart with me or whatnot, that's when it'd be across the line. I did that years ago when I was younger, but have matured. I don't think anyone could really tell these days if I was -3 or +13 judging by my outward attitude.

It's just a game. Realizing that - heck even "embracing" that - has done wonders.

I think getting angry is good if you use it as a tool for maintaining focus. One of the few times I really thought it went too far was a guy who flipped out, and launched his 5 iron at a tree, snapping it. It was all happening about 50 yards ahead of me because I was walking up after making my shot (muffed tee shot), so I wasn't in any danger at all, nor was anyone else, but that was borderline scary to watch. Kinda afraid to be around a guy like that the rest of the round.