Playing with someone who takes you "out of your game"

[Pretzel]

I personally do my best to avoid letting anyone get to me in the first place. The easiest way to do this is to not worry about focusing until immediately before your shot, and stopping your focus immediately after it's done. Helps you focus in on shots better when you aren't going for 24/7 laser focus.

[gregsandiego]

7 hours ago, mcanadiens said:

I have this one dude that out drives me almost all the time and then goes immediately to his ball 30-50 yards in front of mine. The frigging guy is literally standing right in front of me as I'm trying to hit my second shot. I have to wave him away. He'll go maybe 20 feet over and then I'll swing still worried about possibly hitting him. 

How can you be playing with the same golf partner I have LOL.

10 hours ago, Ladysmanfelpz said:

 

 

   But this kid will try to play mental games.  "Oh I can't wait til you fall apart."  "Hey buddy lets see how bad you slice this one" and all types of derogatory talk before and even in between shots!  Frankly its quite rude and can make for quite an unenjoyable round, but he is one of my best friends and will play with our group fairly often.  So I'm trying to find the best way to overcome it.  As I'm sure you already guessed I avoid riding in the cart with him like the plague

 

@Ladysmanfelpz, he's not a good friend - period. Sorry. 

People that berate you, and then laugh as they speak to make it seem "good natured" just are not good friends by any definition I know.

Unless I missed something - like he saved your life, was best man at your wedding, or something...

I think I'd tell him straight out, I don't want anything to do with him on the course.

 

[caniac6]

I don't have time to play with jerks, and a guy that talks like that is a jerk. Start giving some stuff back to him. A lot of guys that dish it out can't take it. Good behavior is as much a part of the game as is a drive down the middle. I wouldn't tolerate a guy like that. Those four hours belong to you as much as him, and he needs to be aware that his actions are taking away your enjoyment of the round. I have been in a situation where I played with a group that had a guy with a bad temper. I just found a different group to play with.

[Hardspoon]

None of the trash-talk described here would actually bother me, at least in terms of affecting my golf game. As far as actually making me want to continue playing with someone, even if they were a good friend, that's a different story.

Also, I'm pretty confident I can be more irritating than someone else if I put my mind to it, so I'd probably be able to solve the problem pretty easily. 

[mcanadiens]

And if you get the guy that insists on trash talking in the same group as the guy with the bad temper you get a youtube video.

[anker0071]

I play with a guy from time to time that used to bother me. Not that he trash talks like the OP's buddy, but just has overbearing confidence in himself. It bothered me because I should beat him regularly, but I wasn't winning as much as I should given our ability levels. I always played worse when I played him because I would play as aggressively as he would. I play my best when I stay calm and conservative. Play for par, hit as many greens a possible (anywhere on the green) and trust that eventually a couple of birdies will fall, but in the meantime avoid big mistakes. I started really focusing on my strategies and literally never watch him hit a shot. I will look away and go over my strategy for the next shot. I beat him a lot now. 

As far as trash talk, I don't know if you played other sports like football or basketball growing up but it is a part of those games not golf. Trash talk does have a function in getting your opponent to focus on something other than the task in hand, I employed it a lot growing up on the football field. Recognize that he is doing it because he is probably wanting to win at all costs, and he is actively trying to get you to play worse. Trash talk can expose weaknesses in a person's competitive character. The best remedy for trash talk is a stone cold demeanor and impeccable execution. Those are both skills that can, and should be developed. 

As far as on the range, remind yourself that to score well you have to hit the ball solid and hit greens. Some people have a quick tempo or swing hard and that is what helps them hit it solid. They are different. On the other side of that, they may see your relaxed controlled tempo and want to emulate that. Everybody swings it different, but the goal is the same. 

[dennyjones]

14 hours ago, mcanadiens said:

I have this one dude that out drives me almost all the time and then goes immediately to his ball 30-50 yards in front of mine. The frigging guy is literally standing right in front of me as I'm trying to hit my second shot. I have to wave him away. He'll go maybe 20 feet over and then I'll swing still worried about possibly hitting him. 

This is the one thing on the golf course that will rattle me.   There is a guy in our foursome that will move ahead of others to find his ball and we repeatedly have to tell him to move.  

I've played baseball, basketball, hockey and soccer and trash talk is expected and part of the game.   I don't mind the trash talking anywhere but not on the golf course.  

[gregsandiego]

3 hours ago, caniac6 said:

I don't have time to play with jerks, and a guy that talks like that is a jerk. Start giving some stuff back to him. A lot of guys that dish it out can't take it. Good behavior is as much a part of the game as is a drive down the middle. I wouldn't tolerate a guy like that. Those four hours belong to you as much as him, and he needs to be aware that his actions are taking away your enjoyment of the round. I have been in a situation where I played with a group that had a guy with a bad temper. I just found a different group to play with.

Agreed.

All those saying how it wouldn't bother me/get to me - miss the point.  It's unpleasant at the very least and golf is supposed to be leisure or fun.

 

 

[Club Rat]

18 hours ago, Ladysmanfelpz said:

 For one he will do what many other cocky athletes will do and "trash talk" on the course.

Every good Poker Player and Golfer will always have a "card up their sleeve" per say, and knows when to play it.
One such card I have used on friends when they get out of line with the smack shit is
"ask them what was their best score ever or recently or whenever and bet them 5 bucks they can not beat that score by 2 strokes"
They usually go into the "super focus" mode and you won't hear a peep out of them for the rest of the day.
The best thing is, they will never know and it's a card that can be played as often as needed 

18 hours ago, Ladysmanfelpz said:

And my second example is more physical.

I seldom watch another players swing, but always stand to the side to watch their ball, just in case it goes wayward.
When you watch someone swing, you may sometime subconsciously have their motion, tempo, swing as a thought while you take your turn.
I like to wait until all the commotion of "yelling flight instructions" or other jabber players have before it's my turn to play.
A good remedy is to hit early or first when playing ready golf or better yet "having the honors"
 

[DaveP043]

8 minutes ago, Club Rat said:

I seldom watch another players swing, but always stand to the side to watch their ball, just in case it goes wayward.

This is good advice.  I've often pulled my hat forward a bit and tilted my head down, so that all I can see from under the hat bill is the golfer's shoes and the ball.  I can then follow the shot without ever seeing his swing.  

As for the other stuff, I kind of prefer to "kill 'em with kindness."  Compliment their good shots, sympathize with the bad ones.  Then walk on to the next shot, knowing that you're doing things right.  And as others have said, if a guy is always an ass on the golf course, maybe he's not really such a nice guy after all.  If he's truly a friend, then a little private chat is in order, where you tell him he's acting like a jerk on the course, and that you may end up choosing not to play with him if it continues.  I've had similar conversation with friends, most often because their anger-management issues were making everyone around them miserable at times.  So far, I've never lost a friend because I spoke up.

[Hategolf]

I don't care much for trash talk unless is seldom and funny.  I used to play with a good friend that was a PITA like that. We would ride the cart together, once he would not stop trash talking, so I dropped his bag off to the side and told him he would have to walk the rest of the course. He was more pleasant to play with since then.

But I have gotten better at the mental game so it is unlikely that other players would have a negative effect on my game. I remind myself...make a good swing with good tempo and trust it.  Fairways, close to the green, or GIR and a decent short game is all I need to accomplished my personal goal for the round. 

[Ladysmanfelpz]

4 hours ago, anker0071 said:

I play with a guy from time to time that used to bother me. Not that he trash talks like the OP's buddy, but just has overbearing confidence in himself. It bothered me because I should beat him regularly, but I wasn't winning as much as I should given our ability levels. I always played worse when I played him because I would play as aggressively as he would. I play my best when I stay calm and conservative. Play for par, hit as many greens a possible (anywhere on the green) and trust that eventually a couple of birdies will fall, but in the meantime avoid big mistakes. I started really focusing on my strategies and literally never watch him hit a shot. I will look away and go over my strategy for the next shot. I beat him a lot now. 

As far as trash talk, I don't know if you played other sports like football or basketball growing up but it is a part of those games not golf. Trash talk does have a function in getting your opponent to focus on something other than the task in hand, I employed it a lot growing up on the football field. Recognize that he is doing it because he is probably wanting to win at all costs, and he is actively trying to get you to play worse. Trash talk can expose weaknesses in a person's competitive character. The best remedy for trash talk is a stone cold demeanor and impeccable execution. Those are both skills that can, and should be developed. 

As far as on the range, remind yourself that to score well you have to hit the ball solid and hit greens. Some people have a quick tempo or swing hard and that is what helps them hit it solid. They are different. On the other side of that, they may see your relaxed controlled tempo and want to emulate that. Everybody swings it different, but the goal is the same. 

This is some great advice I was looking for.  Everyone else's 2 cents were greatly appreciated as well.  

 

But that is what was happening to me.  I was putting in more practice time and have a better swing but wasn't winning as much as I should have.  I really think just looking away and focusing on my next shots is the strategy I will employ.  I did play football and other sports so can handle some trash, but I guess what got me is not the trash in the cart, but that I had to follow him and watch his game the entire time.  When I'm in my own cart I hit and go to my ball and focus on my game.  

 

And he is a good friend, been friends since freshman year of high school, but he has excessive confidence and hyper competitiveness that others mentioned.  The days when it gets to you is when you are struggling or have a string of bad shots and you can't hear the end of it.  I personally let people think on their mistakes, find their focus and go up and prove it on the next shot.  That's what we are all out here for anyway, right?  To improve at a difficult task we enjoy.  Well for him, he'd rather tear you down just for the sake of winning and to me that doesn't fly.  He's been better as of late, but if he starts that up again I'm just not gonna play with him.  

[rehmwa]

5 hours ago, Hardspoon said:

Also, I'm pretty confident I can be more irritating than someone else if I put my mind to it,

Challenge Accepted

[Buckeyebowman]

On 5/2/2017 at 10:53 AM, DaveP043 said:

This is good advice.  I've often pulled my hat forward a bit and tilted my head down, so that all I can see from under the hat bill is the golfer's shoes and the ball.  I can then follow the shot without ever seeing his swing. 

Yep! Like I said before, humans have a great gift for mimicry. Sam Snead said that he couldn't watch Ben Hogan when they played together. Sam had that long, languid swing and said Hogan's swing was like "jit,jit!" and the ball was gone!

As for the people who say that "trash talk" has no place in golf, maybe there's a qualitative difference between trash talk and that time honored golf tradition known as "the needle"!

[dchoye]

Ribbing and needling between friends is acceptable between friends.

But this sounds more like extreme trash talk like when playing opponents in team sports .

This has happen to me occasionally in some golf tournaments encountering an uber competitive player who uses trash talk but thank god its been infrequent as I  just have to tolerate one round with the pest and hopefully don't have to play with this guy again.

One thing that might keep in mind is "trash talking" people actually think you are a good player and puts this show to get you down to his level.

Some uber competitive players stop trash talk when they actually see you are a bad player. There no need to put you down any further in their mind.

 

[gregsandiego]

On 5/2/2017 at 10:13 AM, Ladysmanfelpz said:

This is some great advice I was looking for.  Everyone else's 2 cents were greatly appreciated as well.  

 

But that is what was happening to me.  I was putting in more practice time and have a better swing but wasn't winning as much as I should have.  I really think just looking away and focusing on my next shots is the strategy I will employ.  I did play football and other sports so can handle some trash, but I guess what got me is not the trash in the cart, but that I had to follow him and watch his game the entire time.  When I'm in my own cart I hit and go to my ball and focus on my game.  

 

And he is a good friend, been friends since freshman year of high school, but he has excessive confidence and hyper competitiveness that others mentioned.  The days when it gets to you is when you are struggling or have a string of bad shots and you can't hear the end of it.  I personally let people think on their mistakes, find their focus and go up and prove it on the next shot.  That's what we are all out here for anyway, right?  To improve at a difficult task we enjoy.  Well for him, he'd rather tear you down just for the sake of winning and to me that doesn't fly.  He's been better as of late, but if he starts that up again I'm just not gonna play with him.  

I'm still trying to reconcile how he is 

1. A good friend

2. Someone you can't stand to be around.

[gatsby47]

Can you swear with flair? Can you quote Caddyshack ad nauseum.?  Other than kicking the shit out of him which may disrupt the on going flow of your friendship, you must learn to either walk away from this game being played upon you and find the quiet friendship you might be craving elsewhere which happens frequently. Or you have to get a years supply of Turtle wax and toughen the shell.  I wont, as Dave mentioned, watch anyone's swing.  I will watch a ball but I know that in the day to day normal play, my group collectively carries more than 400 golf balls.  I don't care when my golf ball lease is over.  I mention that I have only rented it and carry on. This sets a pace for the must seek out golf ball hunters. I can sing if I have to annoy along with swearing and cartoon and movie quotes. But I mostly enjoy all the shots; mine ,my partners, our companions. If it is a bad shot, they know it. There are times to give it a proper appropriate  sendoff and other times to let it go quietly. To me that epitomizes good golf buddies.  And makes the game the best

[jamo]

For the trash talker: if it's a friend, so talk to them and ask them to tone it down. If it's not a friend, when you walk off the tee box break apart from him earlier, and head straight towards your ball. Assuming you're not riding in a cart together. In that case, you're screwed.